I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
