in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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