i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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