i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
