I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
