I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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