She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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