He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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