How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
