I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
