Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
