you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
