I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
two words...techno handjob
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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