Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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