I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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