i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
