True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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