In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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