Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
