wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
