Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
