hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The uberlube is also flammable
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
