One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
