Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
