shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
