Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
