i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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