For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
