nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
jump out the window naked night went bad
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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