Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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