Screwed.edu
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
