I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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