You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
