he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
