question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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