What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
