Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
