We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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