I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
