Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
