we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
