Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
