omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No subtext here. People are naked.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
