i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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