Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
