so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
