It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
