the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
