1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
