i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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