I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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